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macker456
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Name: macker
Interests: Traveling the world, meandering through deserted woodlands, small towns, and large cities,reading good books and watching old movies, loving dogs and growing flowers
Occupation: Social Studies Teacher
Industry: The American public school sys
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/6/2004
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| In response to Shannon's chiding I shall update my xanga.
New year. New place. New life. New friends.
On New Years' Eve I prayed for a "boring year." The saga of 2007 came to an end and 2008 has opened. Now by boring I certainly don't mean that I want to be lazy. No, I'm just tired of new things. I'm even tired of going places. A trip to Cedarville was proposed and I've got to admit that even the prospect of an 8 hour drive anywhere daunts me right now. I like my life. My little place in the world. My little third floor apartment with its blend of authentic southeast Asian decor and antique American furniture. I like getting home from school and going to the gym and watching CNN or Gilmore Girls reruns while I sweat off the stress of the day. I like coming back and making eggs or stir fry or calling my mom to ask how to make a baked potato and then wrapping up with some tea (I have at least 12 kinds at the moment) and grading papers while Damien Rice or James Taylor plays in the background.
The first year of teaching has been one of the most humbling experiences of my life. I have never so repeatedly said, "Well, that was a failure!" and never so consistently felt like I'm letting people down by being inadequate. God has taught me two very important lessons. First, one's worth as a person is not determined by how well they perform at a vocation (whether that be student or teacher, Hive manager, or greenhouse girl). This thinking has always been a habit of mine. Second, God has taught me that I cannot teach alone. He can teach and he can do it through me. When I let Him use me as the tool to educate these young men and women things generally go better. Still, I have this vision of myself in 10 years as a teacher. Hopefully a phenomenal one. And I've realized that its going to take a combined effort between God and me. I'm so glad I have a job that I cannot do without depending on divine intervention. Like I said, it's humbling.
And lastly, I am feeling most blessed lately because God has brought a plethora of new friends into my life--almost instantaneously. When I left Bangkok, and the NewSong gatherings there I was convinced that I would never find another Christian community that could compare. What a mistaken idea! My church community has been the most amazing, and most unexpected blessing of this Loudoun County adventure. Guys who are servants and leaders. Girls who are kindred spirits, encouraging, prayerful, and funny. I never could have coordinated this.
God does a lot better at orchestrating my life than I do. I am seeing daily how complete and total surrender is the best way to live.
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| For some reason I woke up in a really bad mood this morning. I must have dreamt that I was back at Cedarville. When I got up I was mad that college was over and I couldn't go hang out at Cuba tonight. I wanted to go back to the time when EVERYBODY lived within a mile radius and we all randomly converged upon each others living spaces on Friday nights. And I was mad that I signed up to be the debate coach which meant that I couldn't go visit Cedarville this weekend with Shannon.
But in a couple hours three of my friends will be here for dinner. I guess it's not Cuba, but it works. I love how God makes a bad day good, even when I don't deserve it.
And hey, Cuba East is just up the road.
Now I will go make rum cake.
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| Right now Andrew Peterson is my artist of choice. I think "For the Love of God" is my favorite at the moment. But I also have a new Hannah mix that is making me smile.
I'm learning to cook. Last week I made pie and soup and stir fry and rice pudding which would have never turned out if Kerry hadn't been there to make me stick with it.
I'm learning to be a teacher. Four years of college and I'm still learning. I make mistakes. I lose focus. I let myself get buried and misplace my perspective. But I'm learning.
I have friends. Old friends. New friends. I went to a Briar Woods football game with new friends and watched my students run around or march in tandem during halftime. It was good. I had no idea what was going on. I know nothing about football. But it was good to be there anyway. I went to a Patrick Henry college soccer game with Hannah and made new friends and later bonded over politics and root beer.
Sometimes I get lonely. But then the weekend comes and a friend shows up. I'm never as productive on weekends as I hope to be because I have these friends. I wouldn't trade them.
It doesn't seem like long ago that I was making bacon, egg, and cheese bagels in the Hive and flinging transfers. I miss the Hive sometimes. I miss Cedarville sometimes. When I think about it.
Maybe I miss home more. I can't decide whether or not I like Wegmans here. Its so...indescribably overdone. It's got a pretentious wine section and a gourmet cheese shop and whole bakery section dedicated to frilly little tarts and truffles. The chicken wings and pizza that used to be such a draw back home are squashed unceremoniously between a lavish coffee bar and the Asian buffet. It's not a homey little Wegmans. And, though the international section certainly outdoes anything Hornell has to offer, as Molly would say, I never run into three people I graduated with.
But its fall. The season of apple cider and pumpkins and chilly mornings and fresh apples. I'll miss apple picking in Ohio and the dying cornfields with corn mazes that I never went through but always wanted to. I miss taking my little preschoolers outside to play on Sunday morning and watching the leaves turn while they swing and tell me to push them higher. I kinda miss playing soccer on Apple field in the dark when the grass was cold and wet and slippery and we were all there. I miss hearing the football games over at Cedar Cliff and getting excited about the day when I'd have my own school football games to cheer at. And now I'm here and its wonderful, but why can't I stop missing other things so much?
And what was this summer all about? Sometimes its doesn't seem for real that I had "cancer" and then didn't and had surgery and couldn't walk for awhile. But my leg still swells a bit and I remember that I am blessed.
Sara Groves sing a song called "Painting Pictures of Egypt." Oh the Israelites. Released from bondage and homesick for it? Is that me? She says it better than I...
"I've been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard
And I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I"ve learned
And those roads closed off to me
While my back was turned"
As she says elsewhere in the song, the past is ever so much more comfortable than the present, and yet I know that this is where I'm supposed to be right now. So I follow the maxim of Jim Elliot..."Wherever you are be all there. Live to the hilt every experience that you believe to be the will of God."
I got my bike fixed today. I think I'll go to bed now and rise early enough to ride out to the Potomac and back before church.
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| So I'm watching Ahmadinejad's UN speech on the BBC.
Is it bad that I'm agreeing with most of what he says?
He makes a really good point about our culture's perversion of femininity. Maybe I'll discuss this more at a later time.
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| In other news, it looks like I'm going to be the new Briar Woods debate coach. This should be entertaining...
Also, I just wrote a syllabus for my International Relations elective. It looks strikingly similar to something I've seen before. If this class goes according to plan it will make Jenista proud.
One more week 'til school begins!
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